Disagreeing with people is part of everyday life. We disagree with our friends, our colleagues, and virtually everyone else at some point or the other. While disagreeing, we would want to come across firm and assertive yet polite. This is especially important when you are writing. Just like disagreement can be conveyed respectfully in every language, in English, also there are ways to convey respect and firmness. In this post, we will examine the various phrases and techniques in English that can accomplish these objectives.
Before we discuss phrases, there are key points to remember regarding how to disagree with someone.
If you want to convey your disagreement, here are a few golden rules to remember:
- Respect what the other person is trying to say; empathize with them. By showing empathy and respect for what the other person is saying, you are clarifying that you are there to negotiate and not merely to impose your point of view.
- Convey what you want to say in a few sentences in a crisp and short format. While you may want to add the background and every small detail, the impact is greatest only when the argument is conveyed in short and crisp sentences.
Let us now us examine various phrases. If you want to disagree with someone, there are many phrases you can use to convey your thoughts:
- I see what you are saying, but here is what I think …
- I respect what you are saying, but here is my perspective…
- I take your point, but here is what I think….
- I beg to differ with you on this point…
- I have a different opinion on that…
- I respectfully disagree…
- There is some truth to what you are saying but here is what I feel….
Now that we know the introductory phrases that can be used when disagreeing with anyone, there are a few other tricks to make sure your point is conveyed respectfully and firmly at the same time.
Ask questions and suggest alternatives
When you ask questions, you are seeking clarification and you are helping the other person see your point of view without shoving it down their throat. Also, when you suggest alternatives instead of simply stating your position, you demonstrate that you are ready to accommodate the other person’s point of view and are ready to walk the middle ground.
Let us understand this with the help of an example.
Suppose a subordinate wants to make a few changes to a presentation for a client while your boss wants the presentation to be the same. Let us take a look at how this conversation should not go about.
Boss: This presentation is good as it is. Let us not change anything.
Subordinate: Boss, we need to include the environmental impact slides. Our environmental impact is minimal and it conforms to the UN resolutions. We have also had the best quarter as far as environmental impact goes. It is what the clients are doing now. Please, let us do this.
Boss: No forget it. We may not have the time. And also, we don’t want to bore the clients.
Subordinate: You are wrong! Do you even know what we would miss if we do not include the environmental impact? It is going to be really difficult for us to stand out. I have no idea why you are saying no.
Boss: Forget it, I will get someone else to do the presentation. You watch this time and learn how to talk to a superior.
The subordinate was clearly anxious and was trying to impose his point of view on the boss. Naturally, it backfired and the subordinate was not given the opportunity to present.
Now, let us examine how this conversation would go if the right phrases, good questions and respectful words were used.
Boss: This presentation is good as it is. Let us not change anything.
Subordinate: I get where you are coming from, but I feel adding a slide or two about the environmental impact will make it an even stronger case for us.
Boss: No, forget it. We may not have the time. And also, we don’t want to bore the clients.
Subordinate: I see your perspective but don’t you think that this would show that we are aligned in our goals and will convey that we mean more than just corporate business?
Boss: Ok, let us give it a shot. But make sure it does not go beyond 5 minutes.
Subordinate: Sure, I will keep that in mind.
Now, from this example, we can clearly see that if we use the right phrases and ask insightful questions then we will be able to convey what we need to and also have a higher chance of getting the other person to agree with us.
Hopefully, you have an idea of the various ways of conveying your disagreements effectively. If you would like to know more about the different styles of communicating in English, please contact me.